What is the point?

Some times I wonder what is the point of being a Christian? Intellectually I know the reasons. I've seen the miracles that the Lord has done in my life. I've felt His presence and I know He exist. There is not doubt in my mind about that at all.

There are times though when I wonder if I'll ever make it to heaven. If after years of being obedient to the Lord I slip up and that is enough to keep me out of heaven. Then I start thinking that maybe I can just lead others to Christ and lovingly and while weeping, pray that they'll make it in memory of me. Then I remember that when the time comes my existence will be wiped from the universe. Sin can't be eternal. Our souls of a sinner can't be eternal since it is contrary to God's law. Therefor, hell is not an eternal place where our eternal souls will be burning for ever and ever. Destruction is eternal. Fire is eternal in its finality. The bible also says that they will forget the past hurts. So why should anyone remember me in heaven? There will be some weeping of my family if they don't find me there and then the books will be opened to them to explain why I am not in heaven.

Is it despair? Am I still unsure of my salvation? How do I know I have attained salvation? How do I know that? These question don't need to be asked by me. I know the answers and still....I doubt. I feel that I must do something to earn salvation. We can't earn salvation. We can only accept it. We don't like accepting stuff for free so it makes it harder to accept that someone loves me soo much to die for me and all I have to do is accept. Quotes like "nothing worth having is easy to get," or "it's too good to be true," or "easy to get, easy to lose" make it harder in this current society to accept such a gift from a God. Can anyone imagine a king searching you out and looking for you and begging you to return to him even though we are not related by blood? That would be very hard to accept. I'm just putting my thought out here. I'm the only one that reads it anyway. hahaha.

I think I can understand why people may think that it is painful to be alive and then they go and kill themselves. Their very existence creates a mental anguish. I think that is because they have not discovered their true existence, their true nature, their true purpose, the truth that what we are right now is not how we are supposed to be at all. That we can only use this gift of life to attain the assurance of our place in heaven. Not by our own works but by God's mercy.

Time seems to be speeding. Things are looking bad in morals, religion, wars, economies, ideologies, beliefs, greed, self-gratification, expenditures and many other things. It seems like the whole world has gone crazy and it can feel very scary at times. What to do? Trust in a higher being that knows what is best for you. Trust that the work He has set for us to do will be done according to His will. What to do....What to do....

-Eternal Dreams