More than a year.

It's been more than a year since I've written anything. Hah! I see that my absorption with Rain is past gone. Once in a while I get a little blip in my heart when I hear a sliver of news but that is it. (^_^) A lot has happened since 2007. I just got a new job with a better pay. It is bittersweet to say goodbye to my current job. I know I could have done better. *Sigh*
Spiritually I feel like my soul is dragging. I've lost the connection to the Lord through my own rebellion and selfishness to satisfy my own hunger to worldly things. And in the way I'm dragging down those around me. There is a darkness gathering within me and it is growing. I'm becoming more bold in my untraceable disobedience to those that do not know my thoughts. I wonder how they would feel if they found out. What emotions will their eyes show me? I dread it but at same time I think..."Good, now I can be free." But free from what? Where when I had peace and certainty now there is nothing there but a hunger for more and more disobedience and satisfaction and not being found out.
I am relishing this new darkness, it's seductive call has enthralled me. While a part of me still says "No, the end is near so be prepared." Hmmm...The sirens sing to me with their dark and sultry voices "stay for a while, just a little while...." Have I lost what sanity I have left? No. Have I lost what piece of morality I had left? Maybe....So help me....Pray for me....please?